The Little Adventure on Christmas Eve

Merry Celebration in remembrance of the birth of Christ Jesus!
For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, he is the guy pictured as a baby in the straw. Usually there are some shepherds around him and possibly an Angel figure. Now I know that some of you may be offended by my mention of Jesus Christ AKA the Son of God, but I have an easy solution for you.....stop celebrating the holiday meant to remember him.


I mean this seriously. No Happy holidays. No made up holiday to cover it. Sorry Festivus. No giving gifts or Merry Frostymas. No more Saint Claus. Who I am sure would be really upset that you've taken Christ out of Christmas. The real Saint Nicholas, not the jolly red guy (He is fake) would not have liked what has been done to him or Christmas. You are not three anymore, you can take it. By now you should be old enough to except that people of a different faith are aloud to have their holidays with out you crying, "I want one too and then trashing theirs to make it more politically correct, and while we are on the topic why is it that when it comes to the term "politically correct" it is almost synonymous with "Slapping Christians around".
Just a question.

Here's another question. Why is Merry Christmas so offensive to say? If I am shopping for say......Christmas presents, and the store employees aren't aloud to say Merry Christmas, why would I shop there? Most stores are totally dependent on "Holiday" sales to give them a good year. Sure all the Columbus Day gifts help but not like Christmas...Oh I mean the Holidays...wait no I meant Christmas. The holiday where we give gifts to each other because of a great gift that was given to humanity. Some may say the greatest gift. The Savior Christ Jesus.

This is where it gets sticky. I'll just put it all on the table. The problem isn't baby Jesus is it? No it's the fact that some of us, often referred to as Christians (there's that Christ word again getting into everything) and many times called really nasty things, claim that the baby grew up. Man if he had just stayed a baby!!! Alas he did not and I for one am happy about that. We would not still be celebrating his birthday over 2000 years later if he had not grown up and done amazing things.


The amazing thing that really stands out in my mind is when he died for my sins so that I could be forgiven by God (AKA The Creator of the Universe). Then he topped it off by raising from the dead, providing us with eternal life (that's when you get to go to heaven). I'm not making this up. Check the book or Bible as we like to call it. Here let me help get you started with a cool Bible passage about the baby.
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Luke 2

The Birth of Jesus
In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register. So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

The Shepherds and the Angels
And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ[a] the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.
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Ok so that may have been a little long for some of you to read, but I thought you needed a reminder. For those of you who like the abridge version here you go.
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John 3:16-18
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son
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Wow that rocks!!! Way better then holding up a sign at a football game. Now I know I just shocked some Christians out there. Many of you didn't realize there was more then the 3:16 part. In fact there is a lot more to be said about Jesus Christ. Oh for those of you who lost tract he's the Christmas birthday guy. So with all the great info about him in the Bible I'm sure that all you reasonable, fair minded people will take some time to read about him before jumping to any conclusions or making any broad sweeping generalizations about him.

So Merry Christians and Happy New Year!!!!!! And to all you Christians out there.....you may want to do a little reading yourselves and brush up on your Christ knowledge this year. There are a lot of people out there with a lot of questions and you could help them. Remember reading is safer then a Red Rider Beebe Gun and usually does not result in losing an eye or frost bite!

Merry Christmas from a former skeptic!

Stop the Violence!
(Click on pictures)

IT IS FINISHED!

Well after months of pain and stress the house is no longer ours. Hopefully this means that my ulcers will go away. I have already began sleeping better at night. True true, I have cut back on coffee this week, but that is not the reason for better sleep. After all caffeine has no effect on me (screams the jittery man)! No it all became so clear to me when I went through the bills this week. As I gazed down my mortgage bills and smiled....... Yes I smiled and thought, "I don't have to pay these anymore!" Suddenly that plasma TV seems so much closer to reality then ever before.

Yes, we did lose money on the house, but we learned a valuable lesson about life and faith. No I will not tell you what it was. Because I cry when I talk about it so get off my back. Anyway the thing I miss most about the house is the squirrels. They were fun. i know that they miss me too. After all who will feed them coffee beans now? Coffee and squirrels that never gets old.

I would like to thank Grandpa Art for lending me the money I needed to close on the house, Uncle Mark for fixing my furnace, big papa Ray for getting the bed out of the window and Troy, Austin, Jake and Hunter for moving things out!

Wow that was like my first "Shout Out" and it felt good. I think I'll have another. I'd like to thank Mr. Keane my 5th grade teacher for not turning me in when took a knife to school, Scott for busting my nose at the family reunion on the way back from the roller rink, and O'Doyel because you rule.

Thank you Dad for playing hours of speed ball with me, Mom for teaching me to shop , and Ricky for playing FF1 all the way to the end so that I could beat the final boss.

Thank you Randy for telling me about Jesus, Lorraine for asking me to speak at school, and Officer Johnson for giving me two speeding tickets.

Thank you Spam for giving me high blood pressure, Diet Pepsi for sucking the life from my bones, and Hulk Hogan for reminding me to take my vitamins.

What was I talking about? Oh yes, the house! So we are all moved and happy to live in a nice quiet town with no crime. Well no crime except the flamingo violence, but that is another story for another day.

So I've included a picture of our new place. Do you like?

I hate dress clothes! Yes I do and anyone who has met me already knows that. When I was asked why I have such an adversity to up tight clothing I had a hard time answering. So I checked with my lawyer, who reminded me to never use my real name while talking about things that are "Classified" or "secret". That guy is so up tight. Anyway.....



The whole thing harkens back to my time as a double "O" agent in her majesties secret service.

"But your not even British" you say. Really, and I bet you are one of those Yankee yahoos that believe the colonies really won the so-called American Revolution. Sure and that's why the Queen has here eye on us. Don't believe me? Why do you think we still have Canada hanging over our head? They are there to keep an eye on us. We're just a test tube for some of the Monarchies more outrageous ideas. Like using your hands in a Football game or getting rid of Simon Cowell. Just look at him. He's still cranky about it. But you know what the Queen avoided a peasant uprising and that's what counts. Besides there is no other way to explain the way Americans feel toward the French. And have you ever looked closely at just whose eye is on the U.S. dollar. Look familiar?

Back on topic.

"But you don't look like James Bond" you say. Well no I don't, but neither does Daniel Craig, but they still cast him to play Bond in the film. Seriously do you really think that British secrete agents look like the movies? Come on say it with me.......

"The movies are not real and I don't believe everything I see on TV."

Good Job! See your head didn't even explode.

The truth is that if you knew what an agent looked like we would be of no use to England. Now I probably shouldn't show you this, but here's a class picture from my days at the Royal Academy.

Now if you have read my profile you know who I am. I had to protect the identity of most of my classmates otherwise I'm sure the New York Times would out me for leaking sensitive materials.

Two of them need no such protection. First, Paul Meyer. This guy was, well Paul Meyer. The Meyer family has long been known for striking terror into the hearts of the masses. In fact we used to hear screams of "PAUL MEYER" everywhere back in the day. So if you happen to see him.... turn and walk away!

The second is Patrick. Don't worry about seeing Pat because he's a ninja. Chances are that if you are anywhere close to him you will be dead soon.

So most of the time I don't mind just waxing on and on about all the fun I had with a license to kill. (Yes mom, only bad people are referred to being hurt in the writing of this blog so don't worry.) There is one story that just freaks me out every time I talk about it. It was the day I got my first suit. We went to visit the Queen's personal tailor. Oddly enough his name was Taylor. He was freaky. Now there are all kinds of freaky in this world and he was "killer clown" freaky. He just kept jabbin' me with those pins, and yes I cried. Ok, I'm man enough to admit it. Those girls laughed at me, and that really hurt.

Guys am I right? Nothing hurts like a girl laughing at you. Now remember these girls had skills and could kill a charging rhino with their pinky nail. I didn't want to show weakness so I did the only thing I could! I ran out of the store a picked a fight with the first guy I saw. Unfortunately the first guy happened to be an entire rugby team. Believe me I took no joy in handing them the beat down of their lives, but I had to save face in front of the ladies. Why oh why must we try to impress the ladies. It makes us do such stupid things!

So as you can see I have good reason to hate dress clothes. Oh and they just aren't comfortable too. So never ask me again!