Friday, September 29, 2006

Try To Stay Calm

Well Fred is off at a convention this week so it is safe to give you all an update. I was just about convinced that Fred was not a ninja. He, after all, is so convincing in his alter ego as a middle mannered Pastor of Connections. He has such a loving family and he love animals.

So when he left for the "Willow Creek Conference" I thought nothing of it, but then this was sent to me!


How can I ignore this? i don't know who sent it! What does it mean? Is it some kind of sick joke or warning? Maybe Fred is not at the church leaders conference.....maybe he is at the NINJA CONVENTION! He is probably learning no ways to ............

No I better not talk about it. How do I even know if Fred is gone? He's so stealthy. He could be here right now!

Friday, September 15, 2006

I am wrestling with whether or not I should ask a co-worker a question. Now those of you who know me also know that I normally get past the overwhelming fear of asking a difficult question. If fact most of the time I should take more time to think through what I ask, but this is different.

I have been at my new job for about a month, and things have been going well. One of the big differences at this job, besides feeling happy and thinking outside the box, is that I share an office. I share it with Fred.

Fred is, as everyone who has ever meet him knows, a great guy. Just look at him! He has great guy written all over him. When people see my picture they normally think "felon" or at least "witness protection", which is another story that I shouldn't talk about according to my lawyer. Anyway Fred is a great guy with an even greater family. That is not the question at all. So just to be absolutely clear, "Fred's greatness is not in question!" So Fred if you read this we are cool, ok.

The thing is that ever since we started working together I have had the sinking suspicion that Fred is a ninja. Now don't call me crazy before you look at this picture.
So look at it. Now look at the picture of Fred. It's as clear as day! Ok maybe not that clear, but what if I told you that this is a picture of a ninja named Fred? Then what would you think? So I don't really have any proof at all that this ninja is named Fred, but just look him he has ninja written all over him. I also have been picking up some other signs

First, ponder how good Fred looks in black. That is just not natural, unless you are a ninja. Secondly, I never know if he is in the office. He is so stealthy and quieter then a church mouse. In fact just this morning Fred scared me half to death when I finally realized he was right behind me. Had Fred been sent to "off" me? No! Because I would be dead. Ninjas do not miss! Which brings me to my next point. Fred has an deadly accurate throwing arm, which he uses to hit me in the chest, at random times, with crumpled paper and other handy things. You may not find this to be impressive, but he does it without being seen. Ninja? I think so.

Then there is Fred's favorite movie. Yes, its true that many people have enjoyed the comic stylings of Chris Farley, but very few dissect the fight scenes of Beverly Hills Ninja the way Fred does.

Then there is also the almost reverent tone in which Fred whispers of the new TMNT movie. Truly one of the most anticipated movies since Star Wars.

Well other then that I guess there really isn't any other evidence pointing to Fred being a ninja. I will probably let it go though. After all Fred is a great guy and really involved in the community. You may have seen him around. Here's a picture of Fred with his softball team.

And here is a picture of his dance team. They are good! Graceful, skilled, stealthy and almost mystical in their execution. I saw them last week and all I can say is they killed!

Fred is also an animal lover. Check out this picture he just sent me of the dog he rescued last week. It's a great story with lives hanging in the balance and all that jazz. I really just skimmed it for content, but don't tell Fred that.

All and all I like Fred, but I still wouldn't want to run into him in a dark alley, and I keep having this feeling that Fred and I had met before. Like when we were younger.

If i remember I'll let you know.
Until then I think I'll hold off on asking Fred about the whole ninja thing, but I'll be watching.