Sunday, June 25, 2006

It Took Some Time

Honestly I just needed to let myself feel it.

It took awhile, but it did hit me.

I have been putting up a good front.

And I don't want people to get me wrong.

I ment what I said and it was honest. I know nothing of hope apart from God.

He is my sustainer. I am not strong of myself and that is what I was doing.....just being strong.

I am not strong, but Christ is strong in me.

Now that I have let myself feel.....

...maybe I can start to move on.

The problem is that I don't want to move on.

I want to fight because what happened is just wrong.

It shouldn't happen in the body of Christ.

Hey, isn't this picture of Emily great?

Check out this one! I think something went really wrong during dinner.

Saturday, June 24, 2006


People keep asking me how I am doing. Most of the time when people ask that you respond, "fine" of "good".
I really can't say that. I have been telling people, "I'm still breathing", as if to say, "well I'm not dead yet so that's good".
The truth be told, which does not seem to happen very much around here......
I am not doing fine.
Yes, I am still breathing, but all is not well.

I have never felt so betrayed in my life.
I have never been so blindsided in my life.
I have never questioned what I believe about grace the way I do now.
I have never found it so hard to be me.
I have never been so willing to give so much to have normal again.
I have never felt like I tried so much and got so little in return.

I have to ask myself, "Should I have seen this coming?"
You tell me........ I'm just trying to breath right now! Like I was chested out of nowhere!

If I didn't have God what would I have to hope in?
Nothing.....and that may be the only thing I really understand right now.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Got That Off My Back!

It only took eleven years and 4 schools, but it did happen. Ok it really took only took 6 years of going to school. Well only two of those years where full-time. So two full time years, four part time years and five lazy Sunday years brings us to now.

I finally have my Bachelors of Theology. Now I will never need to study again!!!!!!! We all had a great time in Seattle.