Thursday, July 27, 2006

Go!Go!Go!


Well I just wanted to let everyone know that I have decided to follow my true destiny!!

I'm leaving it all behind to follow my dream of being a professional Go Cart Racer!!!!
People ask me why I would throw it all away.

Well its in my blood. From a very young age I have craved the smell of burnt rubber and the open roads of enclosed Go Cart tracks. Here's a picture of me when I could barely walk, yet I screamed until my mom let me race. And race I did! Now this was back in the day when a young boy could still take his cart right out in the street and risk his life if he wanted too!! It was also the time when dogs would roam the neighborhood freely chasing Go charts. Nothing teaches you to drive better then a rabid dog named "Molly". And here's a black and white photo of me and Molly on a "friendly" day.

Some days I still miss her..........I wish that car had.


That was way back in 1967 when I trained eight days a week and only slept three hours on every Tuesday and my dad would chase me with the lawn mower to keep me sharp. And Scott, my loving older brother, would climb a tree so he could get a better shot at me with his Red Rider BB Gun. The whole thing was a real bonding experience for the family.


That was intense, but it was all worth it when I was invited to race over seas. Here I am with my mom before the big race in Ireland. As you can see the long days of training took there toll with massive weight loss and sun burnt skin. I give my mom a lot of credit of not letting me give up. Though I cried and cried she would not let me quit. I still remember her inspirational speech like it was yesterday. "Listen you baby,' she yelled,"We didn't spend all that money on airfare for you to wuss out because of some tender skin and hunger pains!" Oh mom, I love you too!

It wasn't all lollipops and pixie sticks though as I nearly lost it all when I was jack-knifed by a young Al Gore in the final qualifying race. I was a little shaken up, but poor Al was thrown from the competition. Don't worry though he went on to invent the internet and global warming. He can also grow a real good beard which makes anyone look cool!

Speaking of cool, upon returning to the good old USA, I got really into Go Cart jumping. I started out small. Mostly little ramps getting like three feet of air, but soon the 80's hit. What was so big about the 80's? Well the hair for one thing! The other was that light-weight plastics and metal alloys became available. Lighter material equals lighter Go Carts! So the jumps got bigger.

This brings us to the point where my dream got side tracked. It was the summer of 1984 and I knew I needed to do something to prove that big brother couldn't quash my ever lovin' free spirit!

So I set out to do what everybody else, besides Evil Knievel, was to smart to do. Jump the GRAND CANYON!!!!
I still remember the media frenzy. It was a mad house. All the stars came out to see me jump, David Hasselhoff, the Dukes of Hazard, the A-Team and the cast of Happy Days.
It was every boy's dream come true. I stood and stared out over God's magnificent creation, with the sounds of the Partridge Family playing in the background, at that moment I realized something very important about myself.

I CAN'T JUMP THE GRAND CANYON!!!!!! WHAT AM I CRAZY?????? I turned and began to walk with resolve over to a pack of reporters. I was going to call it off! I'm not crazy! I don't want to die! Just then I felt my father's hand on my shoulder. "Son', he said, "I know you're scared, but remember, we lost a lot of money investing in eight track cassettes, and your brother is making a killing selling T-shirts for this so don't blow it now!"

The next thing I remember is waking up in a body cast. The years was 1990 and the world had changed. I don't remember much, but apparently I got really into the Grudge Rock Revolution during high school. My parents tell stories of me randomly yelling, "Kill Your Television" and mumbling something about an Atomic Dustbin. Honestly I was so scared that I'd try something stupid that I hardly left my room when sleeping and then only for a midnight snack or Slurpee fix. Oh man I loved gettin' me some blue berry Slurpee!

"Praise God!", was all I could say when I found out Jesus was the answer. He took care of that whole 'fear of death" thing for me, but I still wouldn't go near a Go cart. I mean sure Jesus forgave me of my sins and I get to go to Heaven because He paid the price for me, but that's no reason to go risking my life on the race track of death!


I did try competitive golf cart racing for a summer, but it seemed to lack the intensity of Go carting and I'm not a real lawn person. Plus all those old guys where using performance enhancing drugs. Get of the Juice Grandpa, and don't call me sonny!

So things stayed pretty dry on the adrenaline front. I got most of my rushes from new and exotic coffees, but it just wasn't the same. Then came the phone call. My buddy Austin was putting together a team to take on the Wisconsin Dells. Now I had never been to the Dells before, being a west coast boy, but I had heard that they had some sweet tracks. Tracks that required some skills. Driving skills, turning skills, drifting skills, you know skills! The question was whether or not I was ready to get behind the wheel again. Let's just say we tore it up!!!!! I say we because I've learned a valuable lesson over the years. It's about the team. You may be a good driver, but you need a good team to be great.

So if anybody asks you what Pastor Brian is up to these days you just tell them that I'm livin' the dream and makin' tires scream!

3 comments:

Itsa Me! Luigi! I makka the pizza! said...

I cant believe myself when I say this... but... I READ ALL OF THAT.

Go me.

The ending was a little dry though.
How am I supposed to believe YOU actually tore up the go-karting highway?
hahahaaa... i kid i kid.

-ALicia

scott said...

That was the longest, most intense, most full of ......incitefull, and enthralling information I have ever taken 3 hours to read. Love ya

Acey M. said...

Best. Post. Ever.

As others have said before, "You WIN the Internet."

Now to say something more original...

Thanks for giving me some laughs this morning. It was one of the funniest things I've read all week...

Okay, this is where I say my mom and I are both confused. What is this "inventory" thing to talked to me about last time we saw each other?

Catch ya later, Uncle Sven.