Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Here I was living my peaceful little life of oblivious joy when, "Wham, Pow, Bang!" I stumble across this headline.

Global Warming "Very Likely" Caused by Humans, World Climate Experts Say

(John Roach for National Geographic News February 2, 2007) Check out the link!
I must say that I am shocked and appalled by this resent turn of events. And to think it happened right under my nose. Silent, deadly, deathly even.
(Long dramatic pause for effect)

You would think we would have learned our lesson after we carelessly caused the last ice age to end abruptly. Humans with our stick fires and cave dwelling ways, parading around like we're the top of the food chain. Pew, whatever! When will we get down of our high horse, or should I say steel horse. (wink, wink) We better wake up and stop using these natural resources. In fact we should turn them into natural un-sources.

If we don't do it soon we won't have any
un-sources left to not use.

So what's the best way to turn natural resources into natural un-sources? Well I'm glad you asked! Look at you already being more proactive in this life and death struggle. The best way to turn natural resources into natural un-sources is to use them up as fast as we can. Then we wouldn't have them to use and we would be forced to find alternative forms of fuel. Planet friendly fuel. If only Toyota, Ford, GM and the rest of them (sneer) would stop shoving these green cars down our throats. Don't they understand what we are trying to do here. Well of course they do, but they just keep pushing their, "Use less gas" radical beliefs on us. Them and big oil always trying to be more efficient. Wake up people we've got to burn this stuff up!

Wait.....does that sound right?!?!?!?!? I maybe confused, but since when did having a clear understanding of the truth become criteria for expressing your opinion? Never, that's when. Just look at Hollywood the truth doesn't stop them and it won't stop me.

Fight the Power! (yelled with clenched fist thrust high)

You may ask,"But is it enough? Can we burn these natural resources faster?" You maybe right. We just can't make natural un-sources quick enough. I don't want my daughter waking up in a world still burning natural resources. I could never look in those little eyes knowing that I didn't do my part to make natural un-sources a reality. Why oh why must I be cursed with coherant thought? Why can't I just flow with the masses? Al Gore you sweet, sweet lovable man! How could you not be the next American Idol! Seacrest out!

Wait! What? Where was I? Oh, now I understand what we need to do. Get rid of the humans! This comes as a real pick me up. You see for the longest time I thought we where going to have to get ride of the cows, and I love me some beef! I am just sick of you cow haters! I love cows and I'm not afraid to sinng it with pride.

"two all beef patties / special sauce / lettuce / cheese /
onions / on a sesame seed bun."

You crazy scientist claiming green house gases are caused by natural causes. We're not going to be swayed by logic. Deal with this logic!

What's so natural about cow flatulence and lava?
Take that! It's all hitting the fan now isn't it? You think I'm joking? It's only a matter of time until we start turning people people into natural un-sources in order to save mother earth, and when we do you better believe it's a turn or burn world.

Soylent Green
is made of what? That's right, people. (crazy eyes)

1 comment:

SCOTT said...