The Little Adventure on Christmas Eve

Merry Celebration in remembrance of the birth of Christ Jesus!
For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, he is the guy pictured as a baby in the straw. Usually there are some shepherds around him and possibly an Angel figure. Now I know that some of you may be offended by my mention of Jesus Christ AKA the Son of God, but I have an easy solution for you.....stop celebrating the holiday meant to remember him.


I mean this seriously. No Happy holidays. No made up holiday to cover it. Sorry Festivus. No giving gifts or Merry Frostymas. No more Saint Claus. Who I am sure would be really upset that you've taken Christ out of Christmas. The real Saint Nicholas, not the jolly red guy (He is fake) would not have liked what has been done to him or Christmas. You are not three anymore, you can take it. By now you should be old enough to except that people of a different faith are aloud to have their holidays with out you crying, "I want one too and then trashing theirs to make it more politically correct, and while we are on the topic why is it that when it comes to the term "politically correct" it is almost synonymous with "Slapping Christians around".
Just a question.

Here's another question. Why is Merry Christmas so offensive to say? If I am shopping for say......Christmas presents, and the store employees aren't aloud to say Merry Christmas, why would I shop there? Most stores are totally dependent on "Holiday" sales to give them a good year. Sure all the Columbus Day gifts help but not like Christmas...Oh I mean the Holidays...wait no I meant Christmas. The holiday where we give gifts to each other because of a great gift that was given to humanity. Some may say the greatest gift. The Savior Christ Jesus.

This is where it gets sticky. I'll just put it all on the table. The problem isn't baby Jesus is it? No it's the fact that some of us, often referred to as Christians (there's that Christ word again getting into everything) and many times called really nasty things, claim that the baby grew up. Man if he had just stayed a baby!!! Alas he did not and I for one am happy about that. We would not still be celebrating his birthday over 2000 years later if he had not grown up and done amazing things.


The amazing thing that really stands out in my mind is when he died for my sins so that I could be forgiven by God (AKA The Creator of the Universe). Then he topped it off by raising from the dead, providing us with eternal life (that's when you get to go to heaven). I'm not making this up. Check the book or Bible as we like to call it. Here let me help get you started with a cool Bible passage about the baby.
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Luke 2

The Birth of Jesus
In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register. So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

The Shepherds and the Angels
And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ[a] the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.
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Ok so that may have been a little long for some of you to read, but I thought you needed a reminder. For those of you who like the abridge version here you go.
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John 3:16-18
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son
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Wow that rocks!!! Way better then holding up a sign at a football game. Now I know I just shocked some Christians out there. Many of you didn't realize there was more then the 3:16 part. In fact there is a lot more to be said about Jesus Christ. Oh for those of you who lost tract he's the Christmas birthday guy. So with all the great info about him in the Bible I'm sure that all you reasonable, fair minded people will take some time to read about him before jumping to any conclusions or making any broad sweeping generalizations about him.

So Merry Christians and Happy New Year!!!!!! And to all you Christians out there.....you may want to do a little reading yourselves and brush up on your Christ knowledge this year. There are a lot of people out there with a lot of questions and you could help them. Remember reading is safer then a Red Rider Beebe Gun and usually does not result in losing an eye or frost bite!

Merry Christmas from a former skeptic!

Stop the Violence!
(Click on pictures)

IT IS FINISHED!

Well after months of pain and stress the house is no longer ours. Hopefully this means that my ulcers will go away. I have already began sleeping better at night. True true, I have cut back on coffee this week, but that is not the reason for better sleep. After all caffeine has no effect on me (screams the jittery man)! No it all became so clear to me when I went through the bills this week. As I gazed down my mortgage bills and smiled....... Yes I smiled and thought, "I don't have to pay these anymore!" Suddenly that plasma TV seems so much closer to reality then ever before.

Yes, we did lose money on the house, but we learned a valuable lesson about life and faith. No I will not tell you what it was. Because I cry when I talk about it so get off my back. Anyway the thing I miss most about the house is the squirrels. They were fun. i know that they miss me too. After all who will feed them coffee beans now? Coffee and squirrels that never gets old.

I would like to thank Grandpa Art for lending me the money I needed to close on the house, Uncle Mark for fixing my furnace, big papa Ray for getting the bed out of the window and Troy, Austin, Jake and Hunter for moving things out!

Wow that was like my first "Shout Out" and it felt good. I think I'll have another. I'd like to thank Mr. Keane my 5th grade teacher for not turning me in when took a knife to school, Scott for busting my nose at the family reunion on the way back from the roller rink, and O'Doyel because you rule.

Thank you Dad for playing hours of speed ball with me, Mom for teaching me to shop , and Ricky for playing FF1 all the way to the end so that I could beat the final boss.

Thank you Randy for telling me about Jesus, Lorraine for asking me to speak at school, and Officer Johnson for giving me two speeding tickets.

Thank you Spam for giving me high blood pressure, Diet Pepsi for sucking the life from my bones, and Hulk Hogan for reminding me to take my vitamins.

What was I talking about? Oh yes, the house! So we are all moved and happy to live in a nice quiet town with no crime. Well no crime except the flamingo violence, but that is another story for another day.

So I've included a picture of our new place. Do you like?

I hate dress clothes! Yes I do and anyone who has met me already knows that. When I was asked why I have such an adversity to up tight clothing I had a hard time answering. So I checked with my lawyer, who reminded me to never use my real name while talking about things that are "Classified" or "secret". That guy is so up tight. Anyway.....



The whole thing harkens back to my time as a double "O" agent in her majesties secret service.

"But your not even British" you say. Really, and I bet you are one of those Yankee yahoos that believe the colonies really won the so-called American Revolution. Sure and that's why the Queen has here eye on us. Don't believe me? Why do you think we still have Canada hanging over our head? They are there to keep an eye on us. We're just a test tube for some of the Monarchies more outrageous ideas. Like using your hands in a Football game or getting rid of Simon Cowell. Just look at him. He's still cranky about it. But you know what the Queen avoided a peasant uprising and that's what counts. Besides there is no other way to explain the way Americans feel toward the French. And have you ever looked closely at just whose eye is on the U.S. dollar. Look familiar?

Back on topic.

"But you don't look like James Bond" you say. Well no I don't, but neither does Daniel Craig, but they still cast him to play Bond in the film. Seriously do you really think that British secrete agents look like the movies? Come on say it with me.......

"The movies are not real and I don't believe everything I see on TV."

Good Job! See your head didn't even explode.

The truth is that if you knew what an agent looked like we would be of no use to England. Now I probably shouldn't show you this, but here's a class picture from my days at the Royal Academy.

Now if you have read my profile you know who I am. I had to protect the identity of most of my classmates otherwise I'm sure the New York Times would out me for leaking sensitive materials.

Two of them need no such protection. First, Paul Meyer. This guy was, well Paul Meyer. The Meyer family has long been known for striking terror into the hearts of the masses. In fact we used to hear screams of "PAUL MEYER" everywhere back in the day. So if you happen to see him.... turn and walk away!

The second is Patrick. Don't worry about seeing Pat because he's a ninja. Chances are that if you are anywhere close to him you will be dead soon.

So most of the time I don't mind just waxing on and on about all the fun I had with a license to kill. (Yes mom, only bad people are referred to being hurt in the writing of this blog so don't worry.) There is one story that just freaks me out every time I talk about it. It was the day I got my first suit. We went to visit the Queen's personal tailor. Oddly enough his name was Taylor. He was freaky. Now there are all kinds of freaky in this world and he was "killer clown" freaky. He just kept jabbin' me with those pins, and yes I cried. Ok, I'm man enough to admit it. Those girls laughed at me, and that really hurt.

Guys am I right? Nothing hurts like a girl laughing at you. Now remember these girls had skills and could kill a charging rhino with their pinky nail. I didn't want to show weakness so I did the only thing I could! I ran out of the store a picked a fight with the first guy I saw. Unfortunately the first guy happened to be an entire rugby team. Believe me I took no joy in handing them the beat down of their lives, but I had to save face in front of the ladies. Why oh why must we try to impress the ladies. It makes us do such stupid things!

So as you can see I have good reason to hate dress clothes. Oh and they just aren't comfortable too. So never ask me again!

Try To Stay Calm


Well Fred is off at a convention this week so it is safe to give you all an update. I was just about convinced that Fred was not a ninja. He, after all, is so convincing in his alter ego as a middle mannered Pastor of Connections. He has such a loving family and he love animals.

So when he left for the "Willow Creek Conference" I thought nothing of it, but then this was sent to me!



How can I ignore this? i don't know who sent it! What does it mean? Is it some kind of sick joke or warning? Maybe Fred is not at the church leaders conference.....maybe he is at the NINJA CONVENTION! He is probably learning no ways to ............

No I better not talk about it. How do I even know if Fred is gone? He's so stealthy. He could be here right now!

I am wrestling with whether or not I should ask a co-worker a question. Now those of you who know me also know that I normally get past the overwhelming fear of asking a difficult question. If fact most of the time I should take more time to think through what I ask, but this is different.

I have been at my new job for about a month, and things have been going well. One of the big differences at this job, besides feeling happy and thinking outside the box, is that I share an office. I share it with Fred.



Fred is, as everyone who has ever meet him knows, a great guy. Just look at him! He has great guy written all over him. When people see my picture they normally think "felon" or at least "witness protection", which is another story that I shouldn't talk about according to my lawyer. Anyway Fred is a great guy with an even greater family. That is not the question at all. So just to be absolutely clear, "Fred's greatness is not in question!" So Fred if you read this we are cool, ok.

The thing is that ever since we started working together I have had the sinking suspicion that Fred is a ninja. Now don't call me crazy before you look at this picture.
So look at it. Now look at the picture of Fred. It's as clear as day! Ok maybe not that clear, but what if I told you that this is a picture of a ninja named Fred? Then what would you think? So I don't really have any proof at all that this ninja is named Fred, but just look him he has ninja written all over him. I also have been picking up some other signs

First, ponder how good Fred looks in black. That is just not natural, unless you are a ninja. Secondly, I never know if he is in the office. He is so stealthy and quieter then a church mouse. In fact just this morning Fred scared me half to death when I finally realized he was right behind me. Had Fred been sent to "off" me? No! Because I would be dead. Ninjas do not miss! Which brings me to my next point. Fred has an deadly accurate throwing arm, which he uses to hit me in the chest, at random times, with crumpled paper and other handy things. You may not find this to be impressive, but he does it without being seen. Ninja? I think so.

Then there is Fred's favorite movie. Yes, its true that many people have enjoyed the comic stylings of Chris Farley, but very few dissect the fight scenes of Beverly Hills Ninja the way Fred does.

Then there is also the almost reverent tone in which Fred whispers of the new TMNT movie. Truly one of the most anticipated movies since Star Wars.


Well other then that I guess there really isn't any other evidence pointing to Fred being a ninja. I will probably let it go though. After all Fred is a great guy and really involved in the community. You may have seen him around. Here's a picture of Fred with his softball team.

And here is a picture of his dance team. They are good! Graceful, skilled, stealthy and almost mystical in their execution. I saw them last week and all I can say is they killed!

Fred is also an animal lover. Check out this picture he just sent me of the dog he rescued last week. It's a great story with lives hanging in the balance and all that jazz. I really just skimmed it for content, but don't tell Fred that.

All and all I like Fred, but I still wouldn't want to run into him in a dark alley, and I keep having this feeling that Fred and I had met before. Like when we were younger.

If i remember I'll let you know.
Until then I think I'll hold off on asking Fred about the whole ninja thing, but I'll be watching.

Getting Settled In

Hey just wanted to let you all know that I am getting settled into my new office.
We are still praying that our house will sell, but we feel very positive about the move.

I would also like to wish my brother a very happy birthday, and yes ladies he is still single. Here he is with my daughter.

New Church Home

I am happy to announce that Sunday August 20th, marks the beginning of my new position as Pastor of Student Ministries at Hillcrest Bible Church.


So we are off to Oregon! Now I know the trip is long, but I hope our friends can still visit us. If you are coming from the Waukesha area it should only take you about an hour and fifteen minutes. Yes, an hour and fifteen minutes!

Did I fail to mention that we are moving to Oregon Wisconsin? That's right just south of Madison. The journey takes less time then hiking Yosemite falls, or rush hour traffic in the San Francisco Bay Area. Though it is longer then a trip to Berkeley with either Tim, Andrew or myself driving. Now that's fast, but not entirely life threatening.

"Not entirely life threatening?" you ask. Not as entirely life threatening as the speeds we hit on the German Autobahn. That is a good story, and the German government still denies any knowledge of our activities. Really that is Gabe's story to tell.

Very, very life threatening.

Still less life threatening then the time we found out why Eskimos don't weave baskets under water, but those stories are not the focus of today's celebration. I must say that I was against it from the start, but if I hadn't jumped in I couldn't have lived with myself. Oh, that thing about rubbing noses. Not true at all, but I digress.


Please check out our new church home by clicking on the "iwork" link to the right. We really felt welcomed by the church family and not at all like our lives where threatened.