The Pain of Withheld Reason

One of the most painful parts of healing is lack of information. You may have the desire to move forward, but not a clear understanding as to what you are moving forward from. If you are like me then you have experienced the pain of event without explanation. This is common and the phrase “God only knows” comes to mind and is often appropriate.

What about those times when it’s not appropriate?  Those times when the other person or people involved, do know the reason and simply refuse to share.

I am reminded of Jesus’ admonishment in Matthew 5, “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”  

I have this gift that I wish to offer God, yet I am stuck in this place of wanting reconciliation.  The roadblock in healing becomes how do you move past the  question of “What did I do?” when no reason is given. How did I lose this job, relationship, place, _________ (fill in the plank)?  I am asking all of these right now.

People saying, “You know what you did,” does not help. Nor is it Christ like at all.

Romans 14:13 states, “Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.” 

As a Christian I understand that I am not to withhold the reason.  I don’t get to breaking fellowship or cast someone aside. This is a particle of the flesh, and not the Father’s will. Our Heavenly Father desires us to walk into the healing of reconciliation. He asks that as much as it pertains to us we live at peace (Romans 12:8). This seeking peace does not walk off without reason, having thrown another life into chaos.

As for me, I am seeking peace even as I am left without reason for so many things. I am also left with a deeper commitment to not withholding information that would help another heal. I don’t want to put that stumbling block in front of someone else healing process, and I would encourage everyone to do the same.

 Taking Time to Heal

"Have you taken the time to heal?"
This was the question posed to me recently by one of my accountability partners. The answer was, "No, I'm too busy."

But it was the next question that floored me.
"You keep trying to take care of your girls, but how can you give them the best if you don't take care of yourself."

People keep asking what's happened in my life to bring me to the point of needing some time away. I would discribe the last two years as betrayal, loss, hurt, pain and repeat.

Whether through loss of a marriage, loss of a job, loss of my physical health, loss of friendships and loss of yet another place to live...

Yes, I understand that God is doing a work in me, and will heal me if I submit to the process. The thing is, before this was even a possibility I had to get to the end of myself, in order to see how hurt and weak I am.

This is why I am asking for your help. I need to enter fully into the process of healing.

Why Do I Need Funds:
I was recently introduced to a wonderful Pastor on the East Coast who has agreed to walk me through the healing process. Currently I am planning to cross the country twice for multi-week stays.

The funds will be used for travel expenses, room and board, as well as any unforeseen costs.

I understand that some of you may not understand why this is necessary. Please feel free to privately contact me if you need more info.

click here to GoFundMe 

THAT'S NOT A UNICORN!  

Join the community on KICKSTARTER.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/174333650/thats-not-a-unicorn-illistrated-childrens-book

Back in Action & That's Not a Unicorn!

Well it's been awhile.  Honestly I just got busy in other areas of life. There was the whole returning to teaching thing, which really takes it out of you.  Then all the other writing I've been doing really knocked me out of the game, but I'm back in the blogging action.

As I alluded to before I've spent most of my writing time on a special project.  Seven years ago I started my first novel.  Things moved slowly for a long time and then this last year things took off!

I spent most of my summer adding over a hundred new pages to the book and I am excited.  Hopefully by this time next year I will have in my hand the completed master piece.

So this summer was fun and productive. Two thumbs up.

The other thing I'm excited about just happened this last month.  I wrote a children's book. The book is called, That's Not a Unicorn!

The crazy thing is that I just submitted it as a project on Kickstarter.  Hopefully in a few day I be raising the necessary to get the book finished and published.

Now I know what your thinking, "Brian, I would have giving you the money to finish your book."  Well the good news is that you still can, just go one over to Kickstarter  next week and donate there.  Plus you get amazing rewards for your donations.

Anyway I hope to see and hear from you soon.  

The Heart Is

There is nothing greater then the heart.
In one organ layes the immeasurable capacity to expound great truth and live in total denial of said truth.
It is, to quote the Torah, deceitful above all else.
It must be followed but never trusted, heeded in it's warnings but forsaken for it is prone to flights of fancy.
It is immense in it's persuasion of the mind. It will stop at nothing to deny an attraction that the least informed could not hope to miss, yet the heart will cling to any straw argument that would allow the slightest Ray of hope in the most doomed of pairings.
 
Such is love, such is humanities greatest virtue and vice.
The great defender and the achilles heel of the soul.
What shall we suggest would rectify this eternal dilemma?
I, in my wisdom, would purpose nothing.
Yes, nothing is my solution, for nothing will help; and nothing will be heard of it.
Many a man has waxed eloquent with musings of love and the same is said over and over with much passion.
Simply put, the heart wants what the heart wants.  Thus it is pointless to argue with what is already set in stone. 
 
You would tell me that you have seen hearts changed in the past, and I would tell you that this is foolish.
You have seen no such thing.  
You have only glimpsed the outward impression of such a change, but no such change has occurred.
All that has transpired is the shifting forward of the secondary want. 
Usually it is the want of comfort, security or in the modern tongue, Stability.
This is not a change it is the lie. 
 
Now in the recesses of the heart high on a shelf that can only be glimpsed by it's creator sits a box.
It is labeled "what if" or "if only". 
This box contains the true wish of your life, the one you can't mention in decent company. 
It is often the dirty little secrete, that you scream in your mind while in an others embrace.
It is simple enough, so simple that in a moment of release it could shatter all the pretty lies you built to protect it.
If you were to be honest for a moment you know that this moment of release is the only thing in life that you want and dread  in such unison that you walk a constant wire of love and hate.
And you are utterly torn between which side of the war you are on. 
 
Oddly enough you fight your own heart and soul not knowing whether you should be flight or surrendering.
Here I must interject my own opinion that sometimes the only way to win is to surrender. 
But how do you know this is the truth and not the lie?
Well that's the rub.  If you knew in our mind it would be your mind that makes the choice and let's be honest the truly grand adventures are not reasoned with the mind but driven by the heart and felt in the soul.
And if it's the lie....
Then this is life and you should not be surprised that once again your heart led you there.
 
I will not say it led you wrong because it led you to live life, and what is a life not lived if not a lie itself.
It is that lie that keeps your heart in longing and your box hid away upon that high shelf.
Take it down and let it breath. Just for a moment and see if anything comes of it. If not take a knife and kill it if you can, but don't pause.  Don't for one second listen to it's lies because if you do then it will win, and the last thing you want is to follow the shiester down the rabbit hole.
Down there are weird and wonderful things.
Things that have no place in proper society.
Things that can't be trusted as true.
But a what if it's no lie?